The “Sexual Compromise” in Marriage

How often should a married couple have sex?

The Bible doesn’t tell us how often a married couple should have sex, it does tell us that a couple is to abstain only when it is a mutual decision. First Corinthians 7:5 tells us, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” So, mutual consent is the “rule” for how often a married couple should have sex. The “rule” is that abstaining from sex must be agreed upon, and that even when it is agreed upon, it should only be for a short time.

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Sex should not be withheld or demanded. If one spouse does not want to have sex, the other spouse should agree to abstain. If one spouse wants to have sex, the other spouse should agree. It is all a matter of compromise. We must remember that our bodies belong to our spouses, as 1 Corinthians 7:4 tells us, “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” Obviously, the “sexual compromise” in marriage must be reasonable. If one spouse desires sex every day, and the other spouse once a month or less, they will have to lovingly and sacrificially agree to a compromise, a middle ground. Studies show that taking into account all age ranges, a typical married couple has sex 2 times per week.

where there is mutual understanding on sexual matters in a marriage, fidelity is enforced and the marriage will surely last a lifetime.

Hope you are having a great weekend

©WDI

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4 comments

  1. When I saw your title, I thought you were going to deal with …well, something else (I don’t know that I had anything specific in mind, just not what you shared here!). Was happy to see where you did go!

    Thanks for highlighting mutual consent as God’s “rule”. Your twin statements (“If one spouse does not want to have sex, the other spouse should agree to abstain. If one spouse wants to have sex, the other spouse should agree.”) appear to contradict each other, but they are very accurate and show how each partner needs to be willing to accommodate the other’s desire. And that is what marriage and sex in marriage is all about: learning how to deny our self-centered impulses (trusting that our own needs/desires will be taken care of) and seeking to bless our partner by meeting their needs/desires. To be others oriented is to imitate God, which helps fulfill marriage’s purpose to beautifully reflect God’s character.

    And this final statement (“where there is mutual understanding on sexual matters in a marriage, fidelity is enforced and the marriage will surely last a lifetime.”) is absolutely quote-worthy!! Is this original to you or is it borrowed from someone? Please let me know, as I always seek to give proper credit where it’s due, and I’m sure I will want to quote this later at some point.

    Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Raylene, thanks for the comment, I am Glad you finally understood the context, one of the main reasons for issues in marriage is the lack of mutual agreement in intimacy. May God continue to inspire us so as to empower our communities, Shalom

      Like

      1. Correct again! I would even go so far as to say that the problem is not just a lack of mutuality regarding intimacy but a lack of it in all areas of marriage. Jesus said that the Mosaic divorce law was given because of the hard heartedness of people (Matthew 19:8). I understand that to mean “stubborn, unyielding, I- want -my -way, -so- I’m -not- going- to- consider- your- feelings/situation, etc”. Yes, God help us to keep proclaiming the truth that sets people free! Grace & peace!

        Liked by 1 person

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